Here at Blue Star Ointment, we like our Halloween monsters like we like our anti-itch treatments; traditional, time-tested, and a little old-fashioned.
…But there’s good old-fashioned, and there’s bad old-fashioned.
For Halloween fun, we paired up some of our favorite Halloween monsters with some horrifying old-time skin remedies we think they might have tried.
Old School Monster: Dracula
Scary Skin Remedy: Lead makeup
Legend has it that our favorite vampire was based on Vlad the Impaler, a terrifying 15th century Hungarian dictator who impaled his enemies. Also popular in the 15th century? Lead makeup. A “dead white” complexion was thought to be the height of beauty, and lead paste was smeared on the faces of the fashionable. It was even said to be the downfall of the fierce Samurai warriors.
We now know that lead is extremely toxic to humans. Even in tiny quantities, lead can cause sluggishness, mood swings, and aversion to light. Pale, slow, moody, and dark-dwelling? Dracula may have taken his makeup game too far. Still a classic look, though.
Old school monster: The Mummy
Scary Skin Remedy: Mustard Plaster
Poor old (and we do mean old) Mummy. Disturbed after centuries of rest by pesky archeologists, having to live up to that whole “curse” thing, covered head to foot in rotting cloth, and all that groaning must be a drag.
In days of yore, mustard was used to soothe sore muscles, colds, even scorpion stings. It was applied and kept in place with a cloth bandage. But the vapors from mustard plasters irritate the throat and lungs, and can chemically burn the skin.
Our advice for the mummy? Off with the bandages, and take an oatmeal bath to soothe your sore skin and sore throat. Let’s keep mustard as a condiment.
Old school monster: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Scary Skin Remedy: Mercury-based skin lightening creams
What was it with people wanting to look pasty, and using such stupid methods achieve it? Like mercury. Until 1974, when the Food and Drug Administration banned it, the toxin showed up in all kinds of makeup.
Mercury was everywhere in 1886, the year Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, became an instant hit horror tale. We all know it by heart; a mild-mannered doctor violently transforms into a scary maniac who goes on violent rampages.
People with mercury toxicity can suffer from hallucinations, convulsions, night terrors, and violent, aggressive behavior. Yikes. Change your skincare routine, Doc. And maybe stay in tonight. Netflix and chill?
It’s all starting to make sense! Cayenne pepper applied to repel fleas may have driven The Wolf Man to his crankiness and biting. Frankenstein, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and the Wicked Witch of the West? Clearly, they tried the old itch remedy of placing a copper penny soaked in vinegar against a bite or scratch (copper turns your skin green).
We could tell endless scary stories about monster skin problems, but we don’t want to give you nightmares. Plus, you’ve got all that costume shopping to do (please, no sexy Big Bird.)
And if your skin gets irritated by an itchy costume, late-season bug bites or other things that give your skin bumps in the night this Halloween, keep us in mind.
Blue Star Ointment.
We take your skin from scary, to smooth.
#HappyHalloween #SkinTreatments #AntiItchOintment.